Damaged
by grecian
Summary: An AU version of Dean's return from purgatory


DAMAGED

He stirred the brownish pot of beef stew slowly and steam wafted up to his face. The heat made his unbound brown hair slip forward over his shoulders. He added a bit of ketchup and tasted it. Dean liked it sweet. Thinking of Dean made him frown for a second, but he soon smoothed out his brow, his face expressionless again.

"That ready yet?"

The sudden inquiry made him start a little.

"Yeah, it's done." Sam replied quickly turning to see Dean seated at the table looking at him expectantly.

"I'm coming."

Sam ladled out two hot bowls slipped in a spoon in each and cautiously made his way to the table. He put Dean's bowl in front of him and then his own to the right of his brother. He glanced furtively at Dean as he tasted the meal. Dean licked his lips,

"Mmmmm it's good."

Sam felt a surge of relief. He picked up his own spoon and started to eat. As he did Dean reached out and tugged half playfully at a stray strand of hair that slipped forward. Giving a half a smile Sam tucked it quickly behind his ear. Dean ate with gusto. His eyes flickered between the contents of his bowl and Sam's face. Sam kept his eyes down, eating as fast as he could.

"Slow down tiger, might burn your tongue."

"Sorry, "Sam said automatically. He looked up to see Dean smiling at him. After a few minutes Dean said,

"Why don't you take first turn at the shower and hit the hay huh? I'll clean up out here."

Nodding Sam hungrily took one more gulp of stew and then did as he was bid.

The shower was cold and it made him shiver as he stood there, clean but unwilling to leave the solitude of the bathroom.

"Sammy!" Dean's voice cut through his peace.

"Coming." Sam replied. He shut his eyes tightly for a moment.

With a sigh he turned off the water. He slowly wrapped the towel around his waist squared his shoulders and emerged to find Dean sitting on the bed waiting.

"Thought you'd got lost in there," Dean said a familiar smile on his face.

Sam mumbled something incoherent.

Dean stood up towel in hand,

"Sit down," he said.

Sam sat obediently on the edge of the bed. Dean began rubbing at his hair gently. For a long time there was no sound in the room except for the quiet ticking of the air condition unit. After a while the rubbing turned into a massage as Dean's hard fingers stroked his scalp.

Without meaning too Sam gave a small sigh of pleasure. Dean smiled. A long while later Sam found himself blinking sleepily as Dean pulled a t- shirt down over his head. He didn't argue as his big brother removed the towel from around his waist and helped him slip on some loose pants. Sam slipped between the soft sheets. Dean tucked the sheets as Sammy stared up at him.

"Go to sleep little brother, I'll be back by morning."

With no further words Dean was gone.

Tears slipped from Sam's eyes as he tried hard not to imagine where Dean was going and what he would be doing. He tried not to think of the screams that would come and the carnage that would follow. But it was so hard to forget.

He tried with all his might to not think about what would happen when Dean returned.

He slipped out of bed to the kitchen. He made sandwiches from ham, he made sandwiches with sausages, he made a plate of tacos and then a couple of burgers. He put them on the table and covered them. Then he made sure the fridge was stocked with beer. He looked around trying to think of what else he could prepare but even as he started brewing coffee, he knew it just wasn't enough. Eventually too tired to think he crawled back to bed. He began to pray as he did every night. Over and over his lips moved silently until somewhere along the line he fell asleep.

"Sam!"

His name reverberated around the room, catapulting him to his feet as still half asleep he stumbled out to the living room heart pounding.

The room was in shambles. The chairs were overturned and the table upended. Bits and pieces of bread and meat were strewn everywhere. Dean stood in the middle of the mess covered in drying blood.

"Coffee!" he bellowed.

Sam rushed to the kitchen, hands shaking as he grabbed at the worn kettle on the stove. As he turned to put it on the stove top Dean was right there. Sam could see gobs of flesh and other things in Dean's hair and on his face, he could smell the tang of fresh blood and other fluids. His stomach churned but he dared not look away.

"I want coffee." Dean said each word quietly. "All I ask for is a cup of coffee when I get back and what do I get, this mess!" Dean spread his arms out to encompass the room. His breath was warm on Sam's face.

Sam's mouth worked silently as he tried to say something, anything that would forestall his brother' anger.

"I'm sorry." Sam whispered at last, his eyes sliding away from Dean's even as the words left his mouth. His gaze lingered on the smashed glass against the wall in one corner and a small lake of coffee on the floor.

"You're sorry? Look at this place," Dean was saying, "it's a mess. Why can't you keep it clean?

Sam's eyes flew back to Dean's as he shook his head. He shivered at the madness he saw there. His lips parted as began to apologise again but Dean was in no mood for apology.

oooooooooooooooooooooo

The man-shaped shadows on the wall struggled back and forth in a short one-sided dance of violence.

oooooooooooooooooooooo

Sam was on all fours head down. He was finding it hard to breathe.

"Clean this mess up," Dean hissed. "I need a shower."

ooooooooooooooooooooooo

Sam dropped the last broken shards of glass into the sink. He leaned heavily against the counter. One corner of his mouth was puffy and something hurt every time he took a breath. But he had become accustomed to that feeling. Ever since Dean had returned from purgatory damaged, pain had been his constant companion. There were no hunts for Sammy anymore, not after that first one. His job was to clean and cook and whatever else Dean came up with. They moved about erratically no longer following jobs but some inner impulse that drove Dean to hunt and kill. He killed monsters and humans alike revelling in their total annihilation.

Sam had tried to leave once, just once. Sam twitched as he forcibly shoved that memory deep, deep down.

"Sammy!"

Sam's eyes flickered,

"I'm coming," he replied softly but he knew Dean had heard.

No, the night was not yet over.

The End


End file.
